Tuesday, January 31, 2006

BBC ON THIS DAY | 1 | 1952: Test drive for TV detector vans

From "This Day in History":

BBC ON THIS DAY | 1 | 1952: Test drive for TV detector vans

Two thoughts:
1) Does that van remind you of what Al Franken would be likely to drive in his regular SNL skit where he wore the antenna on his head?

2) You have to have a license to watch TV in England???

Singing in the Shower

Ask Yahoo!: "What is it about the shower that makes people want to sing?"

(How did they know about my mildew-stained shower curtain?)

Sunday, January 29, 2006

PooGram Calling...

The other day I posted a page that offers "Fecalgrams," and it stoked my curiosity as to how one would write a commercial for such an item. This one is a script for radio:

Sound of a doorbell. A voice:

Delivery Man: Poogram Delivery.

Silence.

DM:  Poogram delivery!

Door opens with a squeak.

Homebody: W-w-what?

DM: Poogram, sir!

HB: A what?

DM: Poogram, sir! From an anonymous donor.

H: Err, what's a Poogram?

DM: Oh, it's your lucky day, sir! A Poogram is a beautifully packaged box of sh...t[beep--CENSOR] delivered right to your door as a gift. If I do say so myself, it is a distinctive gesture.

H: Back up...it's a package of what?

DM:  Sh...t[beep--CENSOR] produced and ready for your enjoyment. We ship poo all over the continental United States and Canada. Ours is the freshest sold anywhere. You can tell by our soft texture and alluring aroma. 

H: Someone sent this to me? Holy sh...errr, I  mean holy smokes! I bet it was my ex-wife, right?

DM: I can't say who it is, sir. Poograms are sent anonymously. But you could send a poogram to your ex-wife. It so easy, just dial 1-888-poo-phew and we’ll get a box of poo off to your ex right away. 

H: Great! What does it cost?

DM: Our Big Sh...t[beep--CENSOR] package is only $50, and our friendly "Quickie Poo" box is $25, a perfect way to let someone know just how you feel about them. And here's some good news--both sizes float.

H: I'll take a quickie poo for my ex wife. She doesn't have to know it's from me, right?

DM: Nope. We never leave sh...t[beep--CENSOR] boxes and tell.  Excellent. But first where would you like me to put this Bigsh...t[beep--CENSOR] package someone sent you. 

HB: Aw, forward that one to her, too. By the way, does it cost extra to set it on fire on her doorstep?

______

Copyright 2005 JO Janoski 




Saturday, January 28, 2006


Send a Fecalgram to someone you love 
for Valentine's Day

I use gmail (Google mail), and it picks up words from your letters and matches ads to those words along one side of the gmail window. Today I was talking to a friend about...well, never mind what about...and it showed this particular ad:


Anonymously send them a box of poop and see their reaction online.

It's a real company, folks! I'm not going to tell you about them, though. Go read it for yourself. "Poop flinging has evolved."







Thursday, January 26, 2006

In the News...

TV viewers will be deciding on the menu for
Queen Elizabeth's 80th birthday. 
That's a novel idea.

* * *
become poetry in motion

Poetry (well, sort of!) on Pittsburgh buses--
I think it's a great idea. Something to keep 
us occupied in traffic!


Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Pants Drop in New York

New York Pants Drop
and
Not Everybody Laughs!

In New York, eight pranksters were issued citations for disorderly conduct when they dropped their pants and showed their underwear in a subway station. They are a group called "Improv Everywhere" and it was a stunt intended to make people laugh. More than 160 riders participated in the escapade before the police stopped them. The Improv group claims their intentions are to create scenes of chaos and joy in public places around New York and not to offend.

It seems to me the police in New York have more important matters to deal with than people dropping their pants in the subway...you know, like people dropping in the subway. But then again, many riders may not see the humor in a gang pants-drop. Personally, I would. Do you think that kind of wild prank could ever happen in Pittsburgh?
Vote Here

Copyright 2005 JO Janoski



Monday, January 23, 2006


It's finally finished!

Bridges to Burn

Third Installment in Jo Janoski's Trilogy of Pittsburgh Stories


Available now at lulu.com Print Book or E-Book
Description: Folks in Irma Daltrey's neighborhood are acting more and more suspiciously every day. Her next door neighbor invites a mysterious friend to visit, and across the street a strange trio has moved in, toting cameras. Are they spying on the neighborhood or just engaging in gainful employment? Her life is in chaos beneath a mysterious veil of terrorism. All the while, Irma is left wondering if she is looking for love in all the wrong places. Preview available at lulu.com

Saturday, January 21, 2006


Poe Gets Roses and Cognac Every Year

For the 57th straight year, a mystery man paid tribute to legendary horror author and poet Edgar Allan Poe by� placing roses and a bottle of cognac on the writers grave in Baltimore, MD., to mark his birthday. How cool is that? When I die, I wish someone would come and place a kolbassy sandwich and a can of Iron on my grave--Burgher style.

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What happened to William Shatner? 

I noticed William Shatner on the news recently when he sold a kidney stone for charity. Seeing him made me long for the Shatner I used to know. When I was a sweet young thing, I watched him on Star Trek, feeling enthralled by his good looks and command of the role of Captain Kirk. He was suave with the ladies, tough with the bullies--ever ready for a little of the ol' fisticuffs, and in charge, always in charge. Later, when I saw the episodes in color, I loved the way his gold tunic look great with his hair and complexion. That was back when it was his own hair, I add now wistfully.

The Priceline commercials sent shockwaves through me--how could Captain Kirk do commercials? After that, I found him in a variety of buffoon roles, hitting an all time low on Third Rock. Now, even as a lawyer on Boston Legal, his character is still a joke--a buffoon as usual--a higher class, smarter one, but a buffoon, none the less.

I would give anything to see him in a dramatic role, something that pulls from his considerable classical training and leaves deep impressions. Does anyone out there know of a recent Shatner movie or TV part I might enjoy?


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Doctor's Office...

Yesterday, I spent some time waiting in the doctor's office (orthopedics) with my hubby. I had a workshop assignment to do--a poetic form called a dodoitsu. A dodoitsu is meant to be a Japanese song, written in 26 syllables, lines of 7,7,7, and 5 syllables. Typically, it is about love or something humorous. I ended up writing what I saw and felt at the moment, which isn't so funny, I suppose.

Doctor's Office

Hot, despite white-haired patients
Icicles of silver age 
Inching, uncertain small steps
To see the doctor.


Copyright 2005 JO Janoski 






Saturday, January 14, 2006

CNN.com - Study: Ants can teach each other - Jan 11, 2006

CNN.com - Study: Ants can teach each other - Jan 11, 2006

I always thought those little guys were organized! I just knew it! Every spring I engage in a war against the ants. It takes place in my kitchen, and let me tell you, they are worthy adversaries.

This article, though, is making me paranoid. Do you think it's a well-planned conspiracy...the way they go for my sugar?

What does the "YKK" on zippers stand for?

What does the "YKK" on zippers stand for?: "What does the 'YKK' on zippers stand for?"

OH my goodness! I was so excited to find this out. Go look at your zippers--they all have "YKK" on them, I bet. Fascinating!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


This poetry form is called a pantoum. It has a number of recurring lines, called repetons and a distinctive rhyme scheme.
_______

As Winter Winds Blow

Walking a lonely path as winter winds blow
By the dark of night under glistening stars
I think of you in your blazing aura and all you know
About life and love learned from afar

By the dark of night under glistening stars
I follow a path of things unknown
About life and love learned from afar
And wonder when life's secrets will be shown.

I follow a path of things unknown
My heart thump thumps and my eyes glaze
And wonder when life's secrets will be shown
When will the Light show the way through the maze

My heart thump thumps and my eyes glaze
until an orange sun rises in the sky
When will the Light show the way through the maze.
When will I know the answer why

Until an orange sun rises in the sky
I think of you in your blazing aura and all you know
When will I know the answer why
Walking a lonely path as winter winds blow

_____

Copyright 2005 JO Janoski 




Sunday, January 08, 2006

A little wintery poetry!

***

CRYSTALS

Crystals
Chill ice splinters
Chasing me in dark oblivion
Chastising my pink hopeful ways
Chiding me to slash out my last enthusiam
Criticizing my gossamer dreams
Covering me in ice.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

A few thoughts at the end of the season in poetry...

January...

Blue eyes, darkened when the lights went out
Stars soaring away in silence
Children's laughter now still
As snow pounds the valley and winds scream
at the end of Christmas


Copyright 2005 JO Janoski 




Friday, January 06, 2006

 


Staples Anyone?

My habit every January is to stop and take a mental inventory of all my "stuff," then turn around and attack it with intentions of straightening up and throwing out for a clean fresh feeling in the new year.

This year I went even further and bought some huge Rubbermaid totes...and some steel sack garbage bags. The first for things to keep, the latter for JUNK, such as I define it. That's where the trouble begins.

In theory, I am poised and ready to:

1. Clean out anything I haven't put to good use in the last five years, aka JUNK, and

2. Store the leftover so-called items of value in my spanking new Tote containers.

My office is despicable. Books everywhere, stacks of papers! It boasts a full inventory of miscellany like paper clips, pens, and staples. As a matter of fact, I got ten boxes of 5,000 staples each when a store went out of business years ago. I've been holding onto them for a decade. I was thrilled to get the staples, but I'll have to leave them to my descendents because I'll certainly never use 50,000 in this lifetime.

Many of the items I haven't been able to part with in clean-ups past are at this point in time, 20, even 30 years old. Is this a sickness? What does anybody need with pencils from 1980? Perhaps paper that is yellow around the edges deserves a funeral, right? And what about that dusty ruler from grade school? An address book with dead people's phone numbers...who needs that?

I'm hoping I can be firm in my efforts to throw away what isn't useful. It's going to be tough because I am a pack rat. We'll see. Maybe you can help. If you need some staples, give me a call...



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Sunday, January 01, 2006

 

Lazy Weekend
My personal snooze-fest
and three salutes!


What a nice, easy-going weekend. We watched the ball come down in Times Square on TV. Poor Dick Clark! Salute, fella! I admire the way you came back from a stroke fighting.

Earlier in the day, we went shopping at a dollar store. I bought the funniest pair of slippers. Each foot is a big reindeer head with a funny smile, big eyes, and antlers with gold bells on them. When I walk, they jingle. The slippers make me happy. I think it's because the bells make me think of Christmas.

My next salute goes to Jerome Bettis, just in case he retires next year. But mostly because I think he is the greatest, and I just want to give him a big old salute.

Do you make New Years resolutions? I don't, but I realized today some resolutions are trying to backdoor their way into my psyche. What I mean is, I have some spare time on the computer, and as I surf I'm finding things I think I should do. For example, in one place I read how to set up a system to write on the fly by having a writing kit ready when an odd five minutes present themselves. I think I signed up for a newsletter at that site, like I need another one to read. Then there was the site with a walking program to get me in shape by working my way up to a 30 minute walk everyday. Wow! That was interesting. I signed up for their newsletter, too. Now I'm going to get email every week telling me how much I should increase my walking time each day. Was I crazy? Oooooh, I'm not going to do that! What was I thinking?

Oh well, I'll just put on my reindeer cuties and relax with a good book and make that third salute to me because I look so darn cute in these slippers.



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