Tuesday, April 18, 2006


(A fun radio script)...

I haven't done a commercial in a while, not since the poo-gram and laundry detergent.

FRED: Hello, we are two dogs and a cat--I'm Fred, he's Rover, and that other despicable creature over there is the cat whose name I don't even recall. Yuck!

CHLOE: I'm Chloe the cat! Ignore that cretin dog, Folks!

ROVER: Hey, shut up, Chloe! That's my buddy! Hey, ho, Freddie!

FRED: Yeah, okay, Rover! Anyway, we are here to introduce you to the Constant Comfort Mattress, the mattress that lets you sleep like a kitten all night long.

CHLOE: Hey! Watch your language! I'm the only one who gets to talk about felines, you moron! You're not even worthy to walk in my wake, you hairy ball of blubber.

FRED: I'll deal with you later, Chloe! Speaking of hairy, you should wish you had my beautiful red Irish setter fur. But I digress... Folks, Constant Comfort mattresses come in all the usual sizes--twin, regular, queen, and king. But they also have a Super King size that is big enough for the whole family. I have to say I'm not fond of the concept--I mean, those silly humans...they always want to get in the bed with Rover, Chloe, and me. We try to kick them out, but it never works. And that's why Constant Comfort has designed this new, larger mattress size.

ROVER: Yeah, those stupid humans can fit on it, too, even when I want to stretch.

CHLOE: Yes, and it is so big I can have my own personal space, just the way I like it.

FRED: It's sturdy, too. I have some nasty claws, and when I scratch out a patch to sleep on at night, that mattress can take my paws digging in night after night.

CHLOE: Yes, and it sooo luxurious. I can feel my precious little body sinking into its comforts, from head to toe. Mmmmm, so soft.

ROVER: And yet supportive, yippee! Can you believe it! I'm a restless sleeper, and on our old mattress, when I rolled over, the old bed shook, jiggling everyone around like jello. The humans used to get really mad, not a nice trait for guests, I might add.

FRED: I remember that. I got sea sick one time, threw up all over the bed, but I digress. Now we can all roll over from side to side, or onto our backs or stomachs, and the mattress stays firm.

CHLOE: Yes, the less I have to listen to the others complaining, the happier I am, of course!

FRED: So check out the Constant Comfort mattress today, and you'll sleep like a kitten tonight!

CHLOE: Shut up about kittens! Blasphemy!

ROVER: Buy one today! Your humans will thank you for it! Arf!

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